Tag Archives: Humor

post sent by Dan Morris

1. Be sure to refill the ice trays, we’re going to have company. [I say this because my ice maker is always broken!]
2. Watch for the postman, I want to get this letter to Willie in the mail today.
3. Quit slamming the screen door when you go out!
4. Be sure and pull the windows down when you leave, it looks like a shower is coming up. [I say this.]
5. Don’t forget to wind the clock before you go to bed.
6. Wash your feet before you go to bed, you’ve been playing outside all day barefooted.
7. Why can’t you remember to roll up your britches legs? Getting them caught in the bicycle chain so many times is tearing them up.
8. You have torn the knees out of that pair of pants so many times there is nothing left to put a patch on.
9. Don’t you go outside with your school clothes on! [I say this since here in Louisiana schools they wear uniforms.]
10. Go comb your hair, it looks like the rats have nested in it all night.
11. Be sure and pour the cream off the top of the milk when you open the new bottle.
12. Take that empty bottle to the store with you so you won’t have to pay a deposit on another one.
13. Put a dish towel over the cake so the flies won’t get on it. [I put a dish towel over the cakes when they come out the oven because my mother always did that. LOL, now I know why she did it!]
14. Quit jumping on the floor! I have a cake in the oven and you are going to make it fall if you don’t quit! [I sometimes say this.]
15. Let me know when the Fuller Brush man comes by, I need to get a few things from him.
16. You boys stay close by, the car may not start and I will need you to help push it off.  [LOL]
17. There’s a dollar in my purse, get 5 gallons of gas when you go to town.[LOL]
18. Open the back door and see if we can get a breeze through here, it is getting hot. [I say this when we have a hurricane and the lights go out for weeks.]
19. You can walk to the store; it won’t hurt you to get some exercise. [I say this since we have 2 small little stores in walking distance.]
20. Sit closer to the radio, don’t turn it up so loud.
21. Don’t lose that button; I won’t be able to sew it back on.
22. Wash under your neck before you come to the table, you have beads of dirt and sweat all under there. [I tell them just to go wash the dirt off if they come in dirty.]
23. Get out from under the sewing machine; pumping it messes up the thread!
24. Be sure and fill the lamps this morning so we don’t have to do that tonight in the dark. [I say this when we have a hurricane and the lights go out for weeks.]
25. Here, take this old Sears and Roebuck catalog to the toilet with you when you go, we are almost out of paper out there. [LOL]
26. Go out to the well and draw a bucket of water so I can wash dishes. [LOL] 
27. Don’t turn the radio on now, I want the battery to be up when the Grand Ole Opry comes on.
28. No! I don’t have 10 cents for you to go to the show. Do you think money grows on trees? [LOL]
29. Eat those turnips, they’ll make you big and strong like your daddy. [My  mother use to say this! LOL]
30. That dog is NOT coming in this house! I don’t care how cold it is out there, dogs don’t stay in the house. [No, a lot of people treat their dogs better than they treat their children these days or just as well as they treat their children.]
31. Sit still! I’m trying to get your hair cut straight and you keep moving and it is all messed up.
32. Hush your mouth! I don’t want to hear words like Dad Gummit! I’ll wash your mouth out with soap! [LOL]
33. It is time for your system to be cleaned out. I am going to give you a dose of castor oil tonight. [Oh! memories of childhood.]
34. Quit crossing your eyes! They will get stuck that way! [LOL]
35. Soak your foot in this pan of kerosene so that bad cut won’t get infected.
36. When you take your driving test, don’t forget to signal each turn. Left arm straight out the window for a left turn; left arm bent up at the elbow for a right turn; and straight down to the side of the door when you are going to stop. [LOL]
37. It’s: Yes Ma’am! and No Ma’am! to me, young man, and don’t you forget it! [Here in Louisiana, schools are trying to bring this one back.]
38. Hurry up and finish drying the dishes so we can go ketch sum lightnin bugs and pit ‘em in a jar.
39. Y’all come back now, ya hear. [Down here, we still say this. Only it’s Y’all come back, now. or Don’t be strangers.]

I truly regret some of you [who] are [so ] young enough that you missed out on most of these great memories.