Tag Archives: Humor

post sent by Dan Morris

[How great is this? Take the quiz below, you'll be surprise. I remember 8 of them! We had the first microwave oven in our neighborhood. It was very big. We also had the first SUV in the neighbor. A very large blazer. We had only 9 channels. We had Hew-Haw, the Dukes of Hazard! We had no curfew after 10pm! We could get a bonafide driver's license at 15. There was gas stations with attendants who pumped your gas and washed your windshield without wanting a single dime! What happened to that America?]

Bring  back any memories?

Someone  asked me the other day, “What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?”
“We didn’t have fast food when I was growing up,” I informed  him.
“All the food was slow.”
“C’mon, seriously. Where did you eat?”
“It was a place called home“, I explained.
“Mum cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn’t like what  she put on my plate, I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.”

By this time, the lad was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn’t tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table. But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I’d figured his system could have handled  it—

• Some parents NEVER owned their own house, or wore jeans, set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit  card.
• My parents never drove me to school. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow).
• We didn’t have a television in our house until I was 10. It  was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at 10 pm, after playing the national anthem and epilogue; it came back on the air at about 6 a..m. and there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local  people…
• I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn’t know weren’t already using the line…
• Pizzas were not delivered to our home… But milk was.
• All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered  newspapers—My brother delivered a newspaper, seven days a week. He had to get up at 6AM every morning.
• Film stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the films. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or almost anything offensive.

If  you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don’t blame me if they bust a gut  laughing.

Growing  up isn’t what it used to be, is it?

MEMORIES from a friend—My  Dad is cleaning out my grandmother’s house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it…I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to sprinkle clothes with because we didn’t have steam irons. Man, I am  old.

How many do you remember?

• Headlight dip-switches on the floor of the car.
• Ignition switches on the dashboard.
• Trouser leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
• Soldering irons you heated on a gas burner.
• Using hand signals for cars without turn indicators.

Older Than Dirt Quiz—Count all the ones that you remember, not the ones you were told about. Ratings at the bottom.

• Sweet cigarettes
• Coffee shops with juke boxes
• Home milk delivery in glass bottles
• Party lines on the telephone
• Newsreels before the movie
• TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (There were only 2 channels [if you were fortunate])
• Peashooters
• 33 rpm records
• 45 RPM records
• Hi-fi’s
• Metal ice trays with levers
• Blue flashbulb
• Cork popguns
• Wash tub wringers

• If  you remembered 0-3 = You are still young
• If you remembered 3-6 = You are getting older
• If you remembered 7-10 = Don’t tell your age
• If you remembered 11-14 = You’re positively ancient!

I must be positively ancient but those memories are some of the best parts of my life.